Well, I've been parodied twice thus far by NuTSR - not that it matters much because apparently, TSR can't ship anything.
Fugli was kind enough to gift me with parody art of the LanasaCraptor Lanasian Craptor (edit - you can write for either title, but I like the second better ;), and I do think it captures a bit of Justin's inner self.
Not one to let a good piece of art go to waste, I've decided to run a contest to see who can do the best write-up of the above creature, using the OSR ruleset of their choice (or no ruleset - "generic" - if that is your choice).
To enter, simply comment below with a small stat block and at least a paragraph or two describing the Lanasian Craptor's habits, environment, tactics - whatever awaken's your inner muse.
Entries must be in by Noon Eastern, Friday, March 25th, 2022 - so you have four days. Results will be announced Saturday, March 26th, 2022 at 6 PM on the blog side and 8 PM on the Gamers' Health Livestream.
Note, entries will be judged for creativity and entertainment value, as well as in-game useability. You may enter more than once.
One winner will receive a $50 DTRPG Gift Certificate and possible inclusion in a future issue of Torchlight. The Tavern reserves the right to award additional prizes if so decided.
Good luck to all.
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LanasaCraptor
ReplyDeleteArmour Class: 9 [11]
Hit Dice: 2
Attacks: Bite (1d6 + poison)
Saving Throw: 16
Special: hucksterspiel,zombie thralls
Move: 6
LanasaCraptors lay claim to properties abandoned by others and try to sell worthless trinkets and scrolls to others with hucksterspiel, those who fail a save vs magic (those with an Intelligence or wisdom of 7 or more are +4 to save) will turn overe their hard earned GP for handfulls of the worthless goods or even just promise of delivery for goods that will never surface. Anyone who fails two such saves will be attacked by the lanasacraptor and bitten, anyone failing a save vs poison (same bonuses as above) will be part of its army of zombiethralls (which typically numbers under a half dozen). It's fearsome claws are just for show.
As a nod to Star Frontiers Not Genuine my stats and write up are in the format of the Real Star Frontiers:
ReplyDeleteType: Tiny Omnivore
Number: 1d10
Move: Fast 85m/turn
IM/RS: 7/70
STAMINA: 5
ATTACK: 40
DAMAGE: 1d5
Special Attack: Sonic Bellow
Special Defense: Immune to filth
The LanasaCraptor is a small scavenging omnivore that can be found solitaire or in small groups. They typically scavenge and don't make their own kills. To encourage larger predators to leave a kill to them they will dash in when it is unattended and defecate on it. The smell of the fecal matter is obnoxiously odious and causes a -20% penalty to all actions (STA save for half penalty). The LanasaCraptor is immune to its own filth and willingly feeds on what it has crapped.
If the stench of its defecation does not drive off larger predators from their kills this creature has a sonic bellow that is out of proportion to its size. Once per encounter it can employ its sonic bellow, causing 1d10 of sonic damage and triggering a morale check at 40% or less to resist fleeing. If this does not work and it is emboldened by the presence of others of its kind it will dash in for one attack then flee out of range continuing to do hit and run attacks till the larger creature flees.
When the scout crews of the UPFS Frontier Explorer and the UPFS Star Frontiersman encountered the LanasaCraptor they discovered that the creature would paw and root through their camps and equipment if left unattended. The propensity for it to crap on anything it thought held value forced these explorers to abandon tents and packs that held food due to the near impossibility of removing the stench. It generally takes flammable solvents to remove the smell and until the smell is removed being within 20 meters of an item that this creature crapped on requires the STA save.
LanasaCraptor
ReplyDeleteTerrain: Tattoo Parlors, Military Weapon Expos
Diet: Taunts
Activity Cycle: Night (Only When Intoxicated and also on Twitter)
ARMOR CLASS : 9
HIT DICE: 2+1
MOVEMENT RATE: 12"
# of ATTACKS: 5
THAC0 19
DMG: 1-2/1-2/1-2/1-2/1-2
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Doxxing
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Deceptive Illusion, Blocking Aura, Fear-Based Teleport
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Nil
TREASURE TYPE: E (see below)
INTELLIGENCE: Low (5-7)
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Annoying
The Lanasacraptor is a weird cryptozoological marvel of engineering. Borne from a test tube when alchemists combined an otyugh, a brain-damaged owlbear, a second-level fighter, and a used sheepskin condom together to see what it's gestalt form would be, and what came forth forever would be known as.... "The Lanasacraptor!"
This pitiful excuse for a monster will never leave it's own lair for fear of being compared to every other monster (which is honestly superior to it in every way.) Instead, this pathetic excuse for a humanoid will pretend to be other monsters far more dangerous than itself by using it's natural CHANGE SELF ability of illusion. It will approach prey and pretend to be the monster it has used as a disguise, claiming to be the authentic monster and that ".....It is back, and better than ever!" - Anyone with a WIS score of 9 or higher though can see through this poorly-crafted disguise and will be able to recognize this monster for what it is.... a jealous pretender. This will not stop the Lanasacraptor though from threatening legal action against any and all nonbelievers if anyone starts to point out that the illusion is now revealed.
The Lanasacraptor also has the ability to BLOCK any person who has angered it in any way by using an abjurative aura which lasts for a minimum of fourteen days. Anyone attempting to harm the Lanasacraptor when blocked by this aura must make a saving throw vs spells to even initiate hostilities. Failure means that the attacker simply cannot see or find the Lanasacraptor anywhere that they look, almost as if the monster has removed itself from the battlefield. The Lanasacraptor uses this tactic to launch a vicious first assault on round one (a series of five sissy slaps done with adrenaline-fueled fear) and then BLOCKS the individual afterwards because it fears any and all forms of retaliation and will cower and hide like a little sissy bitch.
The creatures only real attack mode which is magical is the Doxxing power it has. By using weak-willed lackeys (those with a WIS score of 8 or less who are still affected by the illusory glamor) the Lanasacraptor can find information on it's prey and use TRUENAME (as the 7th level wizard spell) as an attack form on it's target if it has 1d6 days to prepare this special attack form. While vicious in nature, anyone who is affected by this spell may simply use a DISPEL MAGIC to negate the advantage. Without the help of a minion however, the Lanasacraptor is incapable of using it's doxxing power because it's not smart enough to be able to doxx victims on its own.
The only other defense the Lanasacraptor has happens when the creature loses more than half of their hit points from any attack. If it does get injured to this point, it can use TELEPORT WITHOUT ERROR to escape from harm's way, crawling back under the lfat rock which is it's normal home.
NOTE: The treasure type listed is for the Lanasacraptor under normal circumstances. However, if a Lanasacraptor foolishly decides to take action against any magic-using opponent of greater power, the chance for possessing this treasure suddenly becomes questionable. Lanasacraptors are annoying and dim-witted beasts, but in any engagement against magic-users, the Lanasacraptors forfeit all of their worldly wealth to the (far superior) intellect and power of any Wizards, and the treasure type of the Lanasacraptor may be permanently adjusted to (NIL) shortly afterwards. There is no known way to offset this penalty. Woe to any foolish little Lanasacraptor who pisses off any Wizards!
LANASACRAPTOR
ReplyDeleteFrequency: Too fucking much
No. Appearing: 1
Armor Class: 10
Move: 120
HD: 100
% IN LAIR: 100%
Treasure Type: A thru H (Fools' Gold)
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: n/a
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Derail Blog/Thread, Annoy, Ruin Childhood, False Trademark
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Too Dumb To Die, Otherwise can only be killed with fire.
MAGIC RESISTANCE: immune to all magic except Banishment
INTELLIGENCE: below low
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Irritating
SIZE: S (but acts as if H)
PSIONIC ABILITY: lives free in your head if you think too much about it.
Description: Please god. Make it stop. Gah!
All I know that it has an incredibly thin skin, and keeps attacking, even when unprovoked... but ALL it's attacks prove completely ineffective. It picks one sided fights with those that mean it no harm; former, and sometimes current allies; and targets vastly superior to itself. Related to Trolls, it doesn't seem to go away no matter how much you try to fight it off.
ReplyDeleteIt also has a very nasty mean streak, and likes to go after any that seem already marginalized, under the guise of keeping it's interests unsullied by what it deems corrupting influences.
Even though the victims of these attacks probably would otherwise never actually cross paths with the Craptor, and may not have even been aware of it's existence, and would just prefer to mind their own business and follow their own pursuits unmolested from these unwarranted attacks.
Oh... and it has an extremely nasty habit of grabbing what doesn't belong to it, producing vastly inferior copies of that item, and then tries to gin up support from those around it to level (often confusing and always unfounded) charges against the rightful owners. When that doesn't work, it attempts to bribe and cajole the artisans behind the crafting of the original item to take it's side.
(The knockoff items, while promised, and often funded in advance at a hugely overpriced premium, never actually seem to get produced and delivered to those who paid for them. Any efforts to inquire to the whereabouts or question the process are met with open hostility.)
Any funds raised in this process get pocketed by the creature, while it assures it's followers and patrons that it has the enemy on the ropes, and positive results are going to be forthcoming any day now.
It seeks like minded creatures, and craves admiration and attention... though it will often turn on those that follow it, thinking them far inferior to itself, and finding any flaw it perceives as the failure of a loyalty test that only itself knows the rules of. It cannot stand the slightest critique of itself, and any who point out the flaws that are obvious to all in its character and behavior will become a particular obsession to the monster.
A creature of extremely low intelligence, and even lower morals. It can speak, read, and write... though it doesn't do any of them well.
It has a natural and total resistance to logic and reason. It is also innately completely immune to sarcasm, not understanding the concept, though it will claim to be a master of it.
Climate/Terrain: Any land
ReplyDeleteFrequency: Uncommon
Organization: Solitary
Di-et (must be female): Mud Wrestling
No(t) Appearing: Real Products
Armor Class: 4
Movement: Not normally, prefers to sit on the couch and pretends to make games, and bringing back the glory days.
Hit Dice: 4+1
TheHAC(k)0: 17
No. of Attacks: Tree (2 Craws, won slurred gummy bite)
Damaj/A Tack: 1-3/1-3/1-2
Spesial Adicts: Jump, rake, Demagoguery, Fling The Feces, Lawsuite!
Size: T (3” long)
Activity Cycle: Die Urinal
Intelligence: Animal (1)
Treasure: Nil
Alignment: Neutral
Magic Resistance: Nil
Special Defenses: Butthurt
Morale: Steady (11)
XP Value: -20d100x10
The LanasaCraptor is a one of the kind hybrid of a dinosaur (something that refuses to cope with change), and a Karen. Unfortunately, they consider themselves the chad, but its all a cover for the 3” ‘tail’ appendage that its constantly compensating for. This creature can be found lurking around the outskirts of the conventions it was banned from attending, around a makeshift den that is falling apart, and a makeshift sign at the entrance asking for $100 for entry into ‘its’ convention. Any poor soul that attends is sorely disappointed at the fact they wasted money, but will try to make it sound as if it was an amazing event in order to save face (on a failed Saving Throw).
LanasaCraptor usually begins combat by using its Jump and Rake abilities. When it becomes apparent that the attacks are ineffective, it will use Demagoguery, and retaliate with Fling The Feces using its Butthurt ability.
Demagoguery: The tiny, petty creature tells everyone how terrible you are, attempting to distract others from the size of its very tiny ‘tail’.
Fling The Feces: When your back is turned, LanasaCraptor flings feces at you, making everyone, within a 30ft radii stink for 1d4 rounds, LanasaCraptor stinks for 3d4 Months after using this ability (its own stink is cumulative).
Butthurt: In the event LanasaCraptor takes damage, it can immediately Fling The Feces.
Lawsuit: If Fling the Feces Fails to deter its provoked assailants, it will threaten to sue you. This attack is completely ineffective, and defenders gain a free action to counter sue, with a +25 to the check.
correction:
DeleteClimate/Terrain: Anywhere except Gary Con or any other official Con
Alignment: Chaotic Stupid
I officially love- alignment: chaotic stupid. Bonus EXP for that.
ReplyDeleteYour welcome ;)
DeleteFREQUENCY: Very rare
ReplyDeleteNO. APPEARlNG: 1 + see below
ARMOR CLASS: 3 (16)
MOVE: 12"
HIT DICE: 2
% IN LAIR: nil
TREASURE TYPE: nil
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/AllACK: 1-4/1-4/1-3
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Charm
SPECIAL DEFENCES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: Low
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil
SIZE: M
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes:
nil/nil
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: III/80+5/hp
Despite appearances the Lanansian Craptor is not a predator, rather an opportunistic carrion feeder. Also its scales are covered by an oily musk which it exudes from its hair like crest. This oily musks makes grappling attacks difficult (at a -2) due to its greasiness. Combined with the odor of the musk melee combat with the creature is a wholly unpleasant affair.
By nature it is a cowardly creature and will not attack on its own but rather will do its best to stay out of range of missle weapons chittering annoyingly at the party waiting for opportunity to rush in and snap at any food the party has. Though it has the ability to let out a plaintive screech 3x/day which has the potential to charm any PC, NPC, or creature of 3 hit dice or less who hear it. PCs/NPCs of 11 to 15 save at +2 (creatures that are very intelligent or better also save at +2) PCs/NPCs with intelligence of 16 or higher are immune. Those charmed will fight on behalf of the craptor. Once the Craptor has charmed at least 2 additional allies it will openly attack with its charmed allies. If it is unable kill its target in the first round of combat with its claw/claw/bite attack it runs away leaving those it charmed to continue to fight on its behalf. Those charmed get to reroll their saving throw the round after being abandoned by the craptor. If they fail they get to reroll again once per turn. If they remain in the craptor's presence saving throws are rerolled as per the Charm Person spell.
Even its allies are killed but it escapes, it will return to chitter at the party waiting for a chance to attack again.
(Optional special ability: Owning to it carrrion feeding behavior if it successfully scores a hit with a bite attack the target needs t =o make a saving throw or be infected with a disease)
(apologizes if this shows up multiple times my browser is acting funny)
ReplyDeleteFREQUENCY: Very rare
NO. APPEARING: 1 + see below
ARMOR CLASS: 3 (16)
MOVE: 12"
HIT DICE: 2
% IN LAIR: nil
TREASURE TYPE: nil
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/AllACK: 1-4/1-4/1-3
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Charm
SPECIAL DEFENCES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: Low
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil
SIZE: M
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes:
nil/nil
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: III/80+5/hp
Despite appearances the Lanansian Craptor is not a predator, rather an opportunistic carrion feeder. Also its scales are covered by an oily musk which it exudes from its hair like crest. This oily musk makes grappling attacks difficult (at a -2) due to its greasiness. Combined with the odor of the musk melee combat with the creature is a wholly unpleasant affair.
By nature it is a cowardly creature and will not attack on its own but rather will do its best to stay out of range of missle weapons chittering annoyingly at the party waiting for opportunity to rush in and snap at any food the party has. Though it has the ability to let out a plaintive screech 3x/day which has the potential to charm any PC, NPC, or creature of 3 hit dice or less who hear it. PCs/NPCs of 11 to 15 save at +2 (creatures that are very intelligent or better also save at +2) PCs/NPCs with intelligence of 16 or higher are immune. Those charmed will fight on behalf of the craptor. Once the craptor has charmed at least 2 additional allies it will openly attack with its charmed allies. If it is unable kill its target in the first round of combat with its claw/claw/bite attack it runs away leaving those it charmed to continue to fight on its behalf. Those charmed get to reroll their saving throw the round after being abandoned by the craptor. If they fail they get to reroll again once per turn. If they remain in the craptor's presence saving throws are rerolled as per the Charm Person spell.
Even its allies are killed but it escapes, it will return to chitter at the party waiting for a chance to attack again.
(Optional special ability: Owning to it carrion feeding behavior if it successfully scores a hit with a bite attack the target needs to make a saving throw or be infected with a disease)
(kind of played this one straight)
Lanasacraptor
ReplyDeleteFREQUENCY: Unique
NO. APPEARING: 1
ARMOR CLASS: 5
MOVE: 15
HIT DICE: 6
% IN LAIR: 100
TREASURE TYPE: C,U,N,T
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1 + SPECIAL
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Bite (d6+1) or kick (2d4)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: See below
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: No
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic
SIZE: VS trapped in a M body
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Found naturally in derelict ruins. Occasionally attempts to infiltrate the subterranean levels of wealthy occupied properties and feed off of scraps from the oblivious owners. Unfortunately it is compelled to call to others of its kind once per day with a shrill, terrible screech and anyone within 300’ must save vs. spell. If they make the check, they are alerted to the presence of the Lanasacraptor. Combat with a Lansacraptor results in it immediately calling for help, resulting in a cacophony of noises and stunned incomprehension without much actual action. The gravest threat from the Lanasacraptor is to hear it’s call to the point that one is rendered mentally incompetent.
Combat abilities:
Once per round, Lanasaraptor can make one attack AND use it’s special call. A natural attack roll of 10 or lower results in the Lanasacraptor doing the damage to itself, regardless of target roll.
Special Calls: roll d20 to determine its outcome:
1-8 A low, repeated guttural grunt that sounds almost like laughing- Summons d6 Lesser Grognards
9-11 A long, loud roar- Summons 1 Greater Grognard. Only one Greater Grognard can be summoned per combat. Reroll if the Greater Grognard has already been summoned.
12-13 A series of short chirps- Summons 1 Lesser Lawyerdactyl who will join combat until injured and then flee.
13-14 An angry scream- Attracts 1 Greater Lawyerdactyl who will fight AGAINST the Lanasacraptor
15-17 Similar to the first call, a low guttural HURR-HURR sound- All PCs within range must make save or lose -1 INT until the Lanasacraptor is defeated.
18-19 An extremely high-pitched wail- All creatures within range (allied or enemy) must make save or be stunned for 1 round
20 A strained choking cry- Stuns itself for one round
Lesser Grognard
ARMOR CLASS: 10
MOVE: 6
HIT DICE: 1/2
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Headbutt 1
These tiny, hairy humanoid creatures stand only about 12” tall and blindly attack the party with their unusually large and bony foreheads until they are defeated.
Greater Grognard
ARMOR CLASS: 6
MOVE: 6
HIT DICE: 6
NO. OF ATTACKS: Nil
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Nil
Normal sized humanoid, it’s only function is to place itself between the Lanasacraptor and its attackers and absorb damage. Anyone attacking the Greater Grognard must make a save vs. spell or the player must hold their action for the round.
Lesser Lawyerdactyl
ARMOR CLASS: 8
MOVE: 30
HIT DICE: 2
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Nil
SPECIAL ATTACKS: See below
Flies above the party and emits a sonic attack once per round. Players save vs. spell or be stunned for 1 round. The Lesser Lawyerdactyl will cease attacks and attempt to flee as soon as it takes any damage.
Greater Lawyerdactyl
ARMOR CLASS: 6
MOVE: 30
HIT DICE: 2
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Nil
SPECIAL ATTACKS: See below
Unlike the other creatures summoned by the Lanasacraptor, this creature is attracted as it’s enemy. The Greater Lawyerdactyl will make two attacks and then depart. First, it will attempt to stun the Lanasacraptor (save vs. breath weapon) then the following round it will use a diving melee attack. If successful, it deals 2d8 damage but takes all the treasure from the Lanasacraptor and its lair, leaving none for the party.
Lanasacraptor (B/X Monster)
ReplyDeleteArmor Class: 9
Hit Dice: 1-4 hit points
Movement: 120'(40')
Attack: non-magical incantations
Damage: insignificant
# Appearing: one too many
Save as: illiteracy +3
Morale: 1
Treasure Type: counterfeit and non-existent
Alignment: chaotic
The Lanasacraptor is a harmless creature who firmly believes its bark is more fearsome than its bite. It will generally make a lot of noise in the presence of a group of other beings or creatures, chirping and chanting at each one with unintelligible sounds until they go away or the Lanasacraptor invokes its own unique magical defense: it has the ability to become invisible to anyone that it feels threatened by. This defense mechanism happens any time it encounters a more intelligent being or creature (and it doesn't take much intelligence, if you rolled a 1 and the other two dice fell off the table your character would be more intelligent). At this point, the Lanasacraptor will never be seen or heard from again, departing in the blink of an eye while uttering a noise that sounds like "blokt!"